Today marks the beginning of week 6 pursuing an MFA in Dance at The Ohio State University, for me. It is an important day to remember that I am at the beginning of something(s). Today, I fell asleep at 2:30am after searching flights back to Santa Cruz because homesickness can only be ignored for so long. After our 8:30am class, K and I talked about how to be at school and maybe where our moral ground lay. I hadn’t had much sleep, but what stuck from todays conversations…
i feel lucky to have lot’s of people to talk to. i want to be more in the doing of it, but i find myself often living in what? a little how? and looking for action. thinking about whether concept driven dance is something i can do right now. i like using big picture ideas and sharing them with collaborators to bounce off ideas and create a sort of ontology amongst ourselves that we shape and explore through performance, writing, improvisation and movement composition. but when i am alone in the studio, it is harder to arrive at the specificity a person to person relationship creates. so what kind of dance do i make by myself? how do i choreograph the performance of it and not just the composition? and really… why don’t i just ask some people to come dance with me?
here i go letting myself open up to colleagues outside of my cohort, about who dance is for, what our most basic assumptions do to shape what we do with dance, how my concerns about virtual reality are based in concerns about human behavior more than technology, but how do you separate those things..
Every few hours, or minutes, depending, I am reminded that for all the experiences I come into this program with, in so many ways I am a novice.
I have to remind myself that it is the best way that I can be right now, surrounded by people who have thought things I’ve never thought, accomplished things I’ve never even tried, and developed strategies for navigating a world I’m just now entering. It means that I have places to go and things to do that I haven’t realized exist, which is exciting and scary. And it makes me much more grateful for the moments when I feel something familiar, something I can sit right down in without looking it over from all angles.
I’m also warming up to the leap before you look approach (or maybe I’m cheating and think I’ve gotten a good enough look that I’m willing to risk some unknowns). Basically, in week 6, I’m looking at my own willingness to be wrong, to come out upside down and twisted, to reveal ignorant, irreverent, illogical flights, in order to begin.